I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
