Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
