When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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