So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We have so much sex to catch up on
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
