this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
