this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
