uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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