tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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