Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
