it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
