discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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