He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
