12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize