Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
