Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
