How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
porn star boner night. come get it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
