Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
