Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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