i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
