wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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