That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
is that a dick in a sweater?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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