and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
honey bunches of taint.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
