ya dads aren't the best wingmen
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
