Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
