They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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