weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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