I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
