I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
