even my farts smell like vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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