Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hippo gnu deer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
