Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
