i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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