dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize