the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
