Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Michael Bay diarrhea
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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