This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
