She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
