is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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