This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
this hospital has no fireball
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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