It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
