I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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