She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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