i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
