I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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