6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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