FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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