since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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