I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize