I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We are all done wearing pants today
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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