so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
