Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
