On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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