Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
