Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
