Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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