Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
