I think my fart just growled at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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