This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
