dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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