I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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