Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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